


deafening

by au_spice



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Character Death, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Fluff and Angst, M/M, angst so much angst, au where mello isn't dead, fluff with a sad ending sorry lmao, this was supposed to be fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 14:09:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15144803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/au_spice/pseuds/au_spice
Summary: The feeling of love is light and giddy. It lifts heavy burdens off Mello’s shoulders and feels infinitely better than the taste of sweet milk chocolate, and somehow the thought of living out every day hunting down a revered killer doesn’t seem so bad anymore. It makes the worst of things better, (but there are some things it can't fix.)





	deafening

Mello doesn’t want to hear it.

Doesn’t want to hear bitter rejection that would inevitably come with his confession. He doesn’t really want to confess anything - none of that mushy “I’d give my life for you” and “I love you” bullshit - but he and Matt, they’re in a dangerous business. Everyday is a gamble on their lives, and Mello would be damned if either of them died before he could tell say anything.

It’s a lazy Sunday morning in their hideout. A bar of chocolate hangs from Mello’s mouth by a square, his eyes watching the handheld console in Matt’s hands. His confession comes out as an incoherent mumble. “Ilikeyou.”

Matt pauses his game and looks up. “Sorry, what?”

“I… Sort of like you.” It comes out half-assed, wishy-washy in the way it’s said and Mello’s voice shakes just a little as the words come out. He turns away, brushes back brittle strands of blond hair nervously.

“I like you, too. Sorta.” Matt’s smile quirks upwards into a toothy grin and then he adds, “Actually, a lot.”

Mello can _feel_ his heart beat out of his chest. He’s breathless and quiet, blinking as he tells himself _yes, that actually happened_.

“Hey, this is the part where you say ‘I love you more’.” Matt teases, earning a light punch to his shoulder.

“Oh, shut up.” They laugh in unison, and Mello is sure that he’d never been happier.

“I love you.” Matt says after the laughter dies down.

“I love you, too.”

“I love you _more_.” He replies in a singsong voice.

“Matt, I’m not playing this fucking game with you.”

-

The feeling of love is light and giddy. It lifts heavy burdens off Mello’s shoulders and feels infinitely better than the taste of sweet milk chocolate, and somehow the thought of living out every day hunting down a revered killer doesn’t seem so bad anymore. It makes the worst of things better, and domestic weekends where neither of them have plans are suddenly something to look forward to.

“Aw, this shit again?” The blond comments as an episode from the third season of _Glee_ plays on the TV. He leans over the top of the couch, hovering over Matt with a bowl of popcorn in his hands. His partner looks up with a playful smile, raises his hands up to bring Mello down for a quick kiss.

“You know it.”

Mello starts to love the smallest of things.

-

And maybe he had been dumb to believe that such a feeling would live long - that he and Matt were destined to live out some sort of fairy tale ending; that a happily ever after was ever possible when both of them strayed to a path that reeked of crime and death. Sometimes he wonders if it’s too late to just hop in Matt’s arms and get carried off into an orange-purple sunset on a horse carriage.

“You sure you can do it?” Mello asks as he climbs onto his motorcycle.

“Yeah. C’mon, have some faith in me.” Matt smirks as he opens the door to his shining red car. “I’ll make a scene and distract the escorts, and you kidnap Takada. It’ll be fine.”

There’s a hesitant silence.

“Mello?”

“I don’t want to lose you.” Mello replies softly, uncharacteristically vulnerable. He’s usually not very honest about his feelings, but somehow, right here right now, this moment feels important to him.

Matt reacts with a small sigh and walks from his car to Mello’s vehicle. He closes the distance. “Hey, come here.”

“What the fuck are yo-” Matt puts his hands on the blond’s shoulders to stop him, moving to cup his face in his hands.

The redhead touches his forehead to Mello’s. His breath reeks of tobacco and from his lips, past stained teeth, come forth a gentle whisper. “Everything will be okay.”

“I… I don’t fucking know if it really will be.” Mello shakes his head.

Silence.

“Do you trust me?”

Mello doesn’t miss a beat. “Yeah.”

“Then believe me when I say that everything is gonna be okay.”

“Ah, fine.”

In hindsight, Mello wishes he answered differently.

-

Locked in a dark room and up past midnight, Mello turns on the television after a botched mission. The first thing that comes up is the news, and he watches the screen intently.

On the screen is a single red car with cracked windows, dents, and bullet holes in it. On the bloody asphalt, a single body with as many holes as the car next to it. Mello would recognize those lame goggles and that head of red hair anywhere, but he wishes he were looking at a stranger. Maybe then, he wouldn’t get that empty feeling in his chest, or that guilt weighing down on his shoulders because he’s responsible for this.

It only takes a second for him to turn the television back off. He sighs with exasperation because for some _fucking_ reason, he can’t even watch the news without getting reminders he’s better off without.

Mello doesn’t want to hear it.


End file.
